Mental Health article and interview

I was interviewed by Julia with Social Work Helper. Check out the interview right here:http://www.socialworkhelper.com/2013/11/12/recovery-mental-illness-interview-cathryn-murray/

Also check out www.beutifulmagazine.com

The latest magazine is here: http://issuu.com/beutiful/docs/beutiful_-_issue_4

Read my article on Stigma of a Mental Illness

 

The Stigma of Mental Illness

The Stigma of Mental Illness

By Cathryn Murray

According to a recent statistics, one out of four people will be diagnosed with a mental illness. Dealing with a mental illness is one of the toughest things that an individual will face. I know this, because in 2009, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1.

                On my road to recovery, I have encountered many people that have misconceptions about mental illnesses. The lives of people with mental health conditions are often plagued by stigma, as well as discrimination. Stigma is a very negative stereotype. Stigma is a reality for many people with a mental illness, and they report how others judge them is one of their greatest barriers to a complete and satisfying life. There is so much that needs to be done in eliminating stigma in mental illness. It is so important that we continue to share our stories and bring a positive light to mental illness.

                Often the media showcases mental illnesses in a bad light. We have to remember that not everyone with a mental illness will become violent. There are millions of people living with mental illnesses, and when we hear about one person that has done something wrong, we need to remember that not everyone is like that one person. Many people living with mental illnesses are living positive and productive lives. I believe that therapy, the support from friends, family and medication play a huge role in the recovery process. We must continue to educate others on mental illnesses. It does not help when comedians or well-known performers, like Miley Cyrus, joke or make horrible statements about people dealing with mental illnesses. This happened recently, and my only concern is that people who listen to them will start to believe that it is acceptable to make jokes or call people rude names. It is not. It is never okay for others to put people down because of mental illnesses.

                The truth is that people with mental illnesses are not crazy or psychotic. People with Bipolar are smart, talented and creative. In my recovery process, I have met many people that are doing amazing things with their lives, and trying to live normal and successful lives. It takes strength and courage to speak out on mental illness. I applaud those individuals that have come out and said, “Hey, I have a mental illness and I am not letting it stop me.” Demi Lovato, an American pop singer, is a wonderful role model for us that are living with mental illness. She recently talked about battling mental and substance abuse issues. She speaks out and posts often on her social media accounts about facing mental illness issues. I think the media needs to concentrate on showcasing positive examples of people overcoming mental illnesses, but sadly, this does not increase ratings, sells magazines or newspapers. Recently, on the cover of the tabloid magazine The Sun, it read: 1,200 killed by mental patients. These headlines and stories are incorrect and misleading information, but what can be done to erase the stigma that comes along with living with a mental illness? I think more education in our schools is a great place to start. We need to break away from using words like, "crazy" or "psycho" to define someone. We need to actively help individuals with mental illness find jobs and places to live. More importantly, we must always remember to show compassion and be a friend. So I am asking you. Can you be a friend with someone who has a mental illiness?

                For more information on mental health issues contact www.nami.org. Nami is a wonderful organization that can and will connect you to resources in your own community and nation.

Moving

I am so excited about moving out of a residential care home. I have lived in a board and care home for  about 3 years. I have dealt with a lot of things, but this place has really helped me become the person I am today. Sharing a room with a person is so difficult. I can't wait for the day when I can walk into my own room and actually get a good nights rest. I have met some amazing people in this home, but it is time to move on. I know God will put me in the right place at his time. I just need to have faith and patience. I was reading my client book the other day and amazed at my progress. I used to keep to myself a lot. Even though I am shy, it is easier now to talk with people. I think being diagnosed with Bipolar has helped me a lot. I now know my limitations and know what I am capable of doing. I am back in school, and so proud that I am actually completing things. I know that in time I will graduate, but I just need to not stress. I stress way too much. I worry about everything and I need to realize that this is not healthy.

My life is not easy, but it is pretty awesome too. I have a great support system in place and I will never not take my medicines. I think I know how hard it is to start over, and I don't want to ever do that again. I have a lot going for in my life and I want to enjoy life. I want to also focus on improving and working on bettering my life. I know that God has huge plans for me. I just need to trust in him more.  It is funny the girl that did not like to take medicines, is actually telling others how important medications are. A good friend stopped taking his meds recently. I thought something was wrong and I told him my concerns. He started taking his meds again.

I am back into photography. I think photography has helped me with my creative side. As soon as I move I plan to take more photos. I love photography because it is good for the soul. I also started writing. I hope to continue writing and expressing myself this way. It is so much easier to express myself through blogs and other avenues.

Again, I am just incredibly blessed and fortunate to have a great team that has helped me become the person I am today. I know my future is going to be awesome. It took having a break down and being diagnosed to realize how precious life is. I will succeed in life, because I have been given a second chance in life. Thank you GOD for never leaving me.

Blessed ;)

How I was diagnosed with Bipolar PART II?

After I was hospitalized I went back to my Apartment. My apartment was a mess, because I was sorting things in my life. I also got evicted at my apartment, but the wierd thing is I was giving money orders to the manager. When I moved I found the receipts and my bank also had a track record of things that I purchased. I was told I owed close to $2000 dollars, but that did not seem right. I was working and modeling, but modeling was not for me. I wanted to return to school and to better myself. I had lost my job at this time and my father wanted me to go to Oregon. I was not ready for that and when he came back, I left. I went to Santa Barbara. I needed to get away and I thought I would be safe there. I got my things and headed to the bus stop. I did stop in Oakland to get some hair. I left Oakland that evening and head to Santa Barbara. I chose that town because it was clean and safe. I arrived in the morning and I waited patiently for Social Security and the mail box place to open. I thought I would move to Santa Barbara. I purchased a mailbox and spent the day in Santa Barbara. The homeless were kind. I remember one homeless guy gave me crackers and told me what restaurants gave free food out. I spent the night on the street. I was scared to go to sleep, but I did feel like the world was ending. Santa Barbara is insane at night. Lots of traffic and people were rushing to go to places. I stayed awake all night. I remember going to a Baptist church and being turned away, because they could not help me. I went to all the services and really got nowhere. I decided to return to Oakland, where I was sent to the John George Hospital. That hospital scared me. I was told I was going back to Herik in Berkeley, where I actually was put on medicines. I liked Herik. I felt safe and the people were pretty decent. It was there that I found out about Concord Mental Health. I stayed with a friend in Concord and put all my things in storage and later found an apartment in Concord. I don't think I was in great shape as I am today. I think I have to thank my psychiatrist and psychologist Ziba for getting me where I am today. It took a lot of strength for me to get my life back on track. I am working on getting back the things I lost, but for now I am happy just to be at this place in my life. I am indeed blessed.

How I was diagnosed with Bipolar?

 

How I was diagnosed with Bipolar? I simply went to a few churches that did not work for me. Went to a church that was more conservative and then went to a Unitarian unversalist church. That church is not for me. It seemed cool at first, until I woke up and realized the truth. I believe in Jesus. I also was reading several books by Walter Martin. He talks a lot about cults in religions. I believe in Cults, because there are many ways that just don't connect to GOD. The bible warns of false teachers. We are to be aware of savage wolves that enter our churches and take away people. There is probably a better way to write this, but I am only writing things in my own words. I did not hear voices, but I felt like God was trying to warn me of things. I kept writing letters and really scared of things that I thought was hurting me. One morning before I was hospitalized I ran to a nearby church and screamed it is a cult. I felt something was driving me to... do this. I ran to the police department and banged on the door. I realized the door was not open and I had to walk to the front door. I entered the Police Department and I was saying things like it is a cult and the church around the corner is a cult. I remember the police coming out and then I was sent to a hospital. I did leave that hospital, but things kept happening. I was sent to a hospital in Martinez and I walked out of the place. I was barefoot and needed clothes. I walked down Alhambra Avenue in Martinez, until I found a laundry mat. Finding some clothes I realized I needed a ride back to Concord. I remember meeting a kind lady at Safeway and she gave me a ride back to Concord. I think I told her a story that my boyfriend left me. It worked, but I still felt something strange happening to me. I ended up walking down Monument Blvd and I realized that the safest place was Park regency in Walnut Creek. I used to live there and I thought I could walk there. I felt like something was telling me things. I knew I had to strip down and pull off my hair, because I thought I was being reborn. I was not harming myself, but I felt like something was happening to me. I felt like if I did this I was going to be reborn Actually I felt like I was becoming like Jesus. I was hospitalized after that incident and sent to Berkeley. My life changed right after that. I was now in the Mental Health world.

A new day.....

Today I started thinking about how great I have it.  I may not have everything right now, but I am working on my future. I am excited about moving and being in a new environment. I know God has the right place for me, so I need to continue to trust in HIM. The other day I forgot to take my meds. I totally flipped out and hurried home to take them. I just don't ever want to not take my meds. I believe that meds are so important for  "us" bipolar folks.  When I stopped taking my meds before, I  don't think I really understood what was happening to me. I was hospitalized, but the one thing that the Dr's did not really do for me is sit me down and actually talk to me about my mental illness. I remember my case manager Ziba told me this, YOU have a mental illness. Those words really made me think and it sure hit home. After losing everything I really know what it is like to rebuild a life again. I lost almost everything, but I am working really hard at rebuilding my life. I am stronger now and I know that in time everything will come together.

It is my faith that never left me. Even if I don't attend a church service I know that God is still with me. It is my personal relationship with God that keeps me going. I am not so obsessed over religion anymore. I have met new friends and I have learned to let go to those that were never my friend in the first place. Being Bipolar is not really bad as long as you do your part. I am lucky to have a great team in place and a Psychiatrist that I absolutely love. But I am also the one that has made my recovery so awesome, because I continue to follow through with my treatment and work on bettering my life. I am still struggling with a few things, but I realize now that I have a lot to be thankful for.

One luv,

Cathryn

Losing weight sure ain't easy

 

 

 

I have worked really hard on my weight. It is not really easy when you are on meds that for the most part cause weight gain. I admit my diet lately has not been the greatest. I am working now on getting to 165 and going to hit the gym more frequently. I am now currently a healthy weight  of 183. I was 256 so I am losing weight. I feel healthier now and it is easier to perform certain daily tasks.  I wear a size 12-14, but I admit my body has changed from all the medications that I started taking Fortunately, I am on medications that really don't cause weight gain. I love the meds  I am taking. I am taking Trileptal, Cogentin and Abilify. It took a long time to finally find the right combinations of drugs. I think I can thank my therapist and my psychiatrist on working with me.

 

Thought this was a great article on trileptal:

 

Trileptal: Everyone’s Using It!

By The Carlat Psychiatry Report

Suddenly, we all have a colleague who is prescribing Trileptal (oxcarbazepine) for bipolar disorder, and who is claiming to have fabulous success.
Rarely has a medication generated so much enthusiasm on so little data. The reason is that Trileptal is blessed with extraordinary intuitive appeal. Approved by the FDA for epilepsy in 2000, it is such a close cousin of Tegretol (carbamazepine) that the molecules look identical except for the addition of a lonely oxygen atom to the middle tricyclic ring of Trileptal. The irresistible reasoning is that since it looks like Tegretol, it must be as effective as Tegretol for bipolar disorder.
And yes, Tegretol has a good track record for bipolar disorder, likely just as effective as lithium and Depakote, but it is rarely used first-line because of poor tolerability (fatigue, nausea, dizziness) and especially because of the risk of life-threatening side effects, such as leukopenia, agranulocytosis, and elevated liver function tests. In terms of pharmacokinetics, Tegretol is a hassle because it induces the synthesis of several P450 enzymes, leading to unpredictable dips in serum levels of concurrent medications.
Trileptal, on the other hand, is free of most of these problems. Fatigue and dizziness may occur, but tend to be milder. It leaves both white blood cells and the liver alone. And although Trileptal does mildly induce P450 3A4, and thus can reduce levels of oral contraceptives and calcium channel blockers, unlike Tegretol, it does not induce its own metabolism, making it easier to dose. Because of its lack of toxicity, Trileptal serum levels are unnecessary; the only laboratory monitoring needed is a couple of serum sodium levels during the first 3 months of treatment, since it causes significant hyponatremia in 2.5% of patients.
It’s nice that Trileptal is so easy to use, but does it work for anything other than epilepsy? The data is very, very scant. Two controlled trials conducted in Germany in the early 1980s showed that Trileptal was as effective as both Haldol and lithium for the treatment of acute mania (1), but the numbers were small and the outcome measures used were unfamiliar to current-day researchers. Oddly, not a single controlled trial of Trileptal has been published since then.
More recently (2), we have a well-done retrospective chart review of 42 patients with refractory bipolar disorder who were placed on Trileptal (average dose 1056 mg QD) either as monotherapy or as an adjunct to their existing regimens. An impressive 57% of patients were rated as “moderately to markedly” improved; interestingly, 100% of the 10 males in the sample improved vs. only 44% of the 32 females. Unfortunately, 52% of these patients discontinued the treatment, either because of side effects or lack of efficacy.

This article originally appeared in The Carlat Psychiatry Report -- an unbiased monthly covering all things psychiatry.
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Another recent paper (3) reported a trial of Trileptal monotherapy (dose range: 900-2100 mg QD) in 12 manic, hospitalized patients. While there was no blinding or placebo control, the researchers used an “on-off-on” design, in which patients were put on medication for 2 weeks, taken off for 1 week, then put back on it for 1 week. The results? Only 4 of 12 patients responded, and there was no consistency to the pattern of response (eg, responders didn’t consistently get worse when taken off the drug, nor did they consistently improve when the medication was resumed).
Thus, while the evidence so far is underwhelming, glowing case reports keep getting published and presented at meetings, giving TCR the sense that a definitive controlled trial must be lurking out there somewhere, hopefully soon to hit the press. Until then, there is little to be lost in trying it on those bipolar patients who are not severely ill and who decline trials of less tolerable alternatives. Most of the frequent prescribers start at 150 mg QHS or BID, and will gradually increase (over a week or two) to about 600 BID. Warn patients about transient dizziness and nausea, inform them that their oral contraceptives and calcium channel blockers may need a dosage increase, and get sodium levels at 4 and 12 weeks. Generally, Trileptal does not cause significant weight gain.
If you prescribe it frequently enough, you too may become one of those Trileptal-boosters who make the rest of us poor schleps feel inadequate. It’s OK, we’re trained to deal with it!
TCR VERDICT: Trileptal: Pretty Harmless; Possibly Effective
References
1. Emrich HM. Studies with oxcarbazepine in acute mania. Int Clin Psychopharmacol. 1990; 5 (Suppl.): 83-88.
2. Ghaemi SN, Berv DA, and Klugman J, et al. Oxcarbazepine treatment of bipolar disorder. J Clin Psychiatry. 2003; 64:943- 9453.
3. Hummel B, Walden J, Stampfer R, et al. Acute antimanic efficacy and safety of oxcarbazepine in an open trial with an on-off-on design. Bipolar Disord. 2002; 4:412-417.

 

 

 



An online social community for people with Mental Illness

http://www.nolongerlonely.com/

I can totally relate to this song.

Being Bipolar And Lacking Confidence

My Self Confidence really was affected when I was diagnosed with Bipolar I.  I was placed on many medications that caused me to gain weight and not function very well. I  was just plain miserable. When I reached 256 lbs. I remember talking to my therapist and telling her how embarrassed I felt about my weight. I hated going out to the store and worried that people from my past would see me. I used to model and was even featured on the County County Connection buses, so even taking a bus was hard for me. I was an emotional mess inside. Fortunately, I had a great case manager who really worked with me. She was the one that helped me find my current Psychiatrist. I went on several meds, until I found the right meds that worked.  And then I joined a gym. I have been a member of 24 Hour Fitness in Concord for quite sometime. I love working out and have gotten to the point where I am happy with my body again. I am still working on losing more weight, but I am not over 200 lbs. anymore. I am at a healthy weight for me and my confidence is improving. I remember going on interviews for jobs and feeling "ugly"  and I am sure my lack of confidence was evident in how I did in those interviews. I never got the jobs.  I am kinda glad I did not get a job, because I was not ready mentally or physically for a job. I know that in order to really do well I MUST get an education. Enrolling at Heald Business College was the best thing that I could of done for myself. I absolutely love the program that I am doing and know that in time I will graduate from Heald. I just need to stay focused, determined and never give up on myself.  I just know that God has really helped me a lot. God never left me and stayed beside me through the rough times. I am indeed blessed.

My SPIRIT Certificate/Graduated 2012

What is Bipolar I?

What Is Bipolar I Disorder?

WebMD

Bipolar I disorder (pronounced "bipolar one" and also known as manic-depressive disorder or manic depression) is a form of mental illness. A person affected by bipolar I disorder has had at least one manic episode in his or her life. A manic episode is a period of abnormally elevated mood, accompanied by abnormal behavior that disrupts life.

Most people with bipolar I disorder also suffer from episodes of depression. Often, there is a pattern of cycling between mania and depression. This is where the term "manic depression" comes from. In between episodes of mania and depression, many people with bipolar I disorder can live normal lives.

Who Is at Risk for Bipolar I Disorder?

Virtually anyone can develop bipolar I disorder. About 2.5% of the U.S. population suffers from bipolar disorder -- almost 6 million people.

Most people are in their teens or early 20s when symptoms of bipolar disorder first appear. Nearly everyone with bipolar I disorder develops it before age 50. People with an immediate family member who has bipolar are at higher risk.

What Are the Symptoms of Bipolar I Disorder?

During a manic episode in someone with bipolar disorder, elevated mood can manifest itself as either euphoria (feeling "high") or as irritability.

 

 

Abnormal behavior during manic episodes includes:

• Flying suddenly from one idea to the next
• Rapid, "pressured," and loud speech
• Increased energy, with hyperactivity and a decreased need for sleep
• Inflated self-image
• Excessive spending
• Hypersexuality
• Substance abuse

People in manic episodes may spend money far beyond their means, have sex with people they wouldn't otherwise, or pursue grandiose, unrealistic plans. In severe manic episodes, a person loses touch with reality. They may become delusional and behave bizarrely.

Untreated, an episode of mania can last anywhere from a few days to several months. Most commonly, symptoms continue for a few weeks to a few months. Depression may follow shortly after, or not appear for weeks or months.

Many people with bipolar I disorder experience long periods without symptoms in between episodes. A minority has rapid-cycling symptoms of mania and depression, in which they may have distinct periods of mania or depression four or more times within a year.  People can also have mixed episodes, in which manic and depressive symptoms occur simultaneously, or may alternate from one pole to the other within the same day.

Depressive episodes in bipolar disorder are similar to "regular" clinical depression, with depressed mood, loss of pleasure, low energy and activity, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, and thoughts of suicide. Depressive symptoms of bipolar disorder can last weeks or months, but rarely longer than one year.

What Are the Treatments for Bipolar I Disorder?

Manic episodes in bipolar I disorder require treatment with drugs, such as mood stabilizers and antipsychotics, and sometimes sedative-hypnotics (e.g., benzodiazepines such as Ativan or Klonopin). 

Very inspiring video with Demi Lovato

Welcome to my journey with Bipolar 1.

My name is Cathryn M.  I was first diagnosed with Bipolar I in 2009. I was brought up in a single parent home. My father divorced my mom when I was two.   As I child, I remember my mother teaching me the importance of different cultures and religions. Mom researched all the fun, educational stuff I could do for free or for just a few dollars. She took me to museums. She exposed me to other cultures and ideas. She even decorated our tiny apartment tastefully, so it felt like a real home. We had no money, but as a child I never once felt deprived.
As a teenager, I was very fortunate to never get involved with drugs or alcohol. I was very timid and shy growing up.  As a young person, I founded Global Teen Club International and worked a lot with young people in the United States and abroad. I received many awards and recognitions and often was called a “grassroots ambassador.” My mother often sheltered me from the cruel world and always provided love and support. She was the smartest woman that I knew.  People were drawn to my mother. She was a large and beautiful woman.   She also had a way of knowing things before they happened. So when I lost my mother, I was hit the hardest. It was hard for me to deal with the fact that she was dead. I did not get a chance to say goodbye. This was when things started going wrong.
At that time, I started attending church regularly in Concord. I remember singing in the choir and I got closer to the pastor’s family. They made me feel like I was part of that church. Maybe I got a little too close, but it was great to be a part of a group. I started reading the Bible a lot and getting really involved on the internet. I was reading things that were basically not true. At that time, I was living on my own. I had my own one bedroom apartment and was working full-time as an office administrator for a software company.  I even was doing a lot of extracurricular activities that kept me busy. I rarely slept or ate. I had so much energy, and no one seemed to be able to keep up with me.  I pretty much kept to myself. I was a loner and felt like an outcast.  I just wanted to be by myself.
Things at my job started going downhill when I wanted to return to college. I enrolled at Diablo Valley College, but it was difficult to take some night classes and work a full-time job. Eventually, my boss agreed to let me leave work early. During this time, I was fixated on President Obama, religion and the internet. I was even calling the White House and the FBI.  I was very paranoid and having hallucinations. I thought the world was ending and I brought all this to the workplace. I think I even scared my pastor when I wrote the pastor a long letter about him hurting the congregation. I seriously thought he was. Then on one Friday, I lost it. I emailed my boss and told them how I felt. I was paranoid and felt like people were out to get me. I needed help. I was trying so hard to keep things together but I was slipping away from reality.  I was hospitalized shortly after this episode with my company.  I really did not feel things were wrong with me. I was confused and did not know why I was being locked up in a mental institution.  All I knew was that I had stripped down in public and pulled out all my hair.  During the last time I was hospitalized, I realized I had a serious problem. I had a mental illness and I needed to come to terms with the fact I had one.
I am now working with a therapist/case manager. She helps me tremendously, and I am truly blessed to have someone to talk to every other week. I pretty much tell her everything, and it helps. I am also learning to trust again because I have a hard time trusting people.  It is also hard for me to deal with people. That is one of the problems that I have to overcome with my illness. It is a struggle every day, and I am still pretty hard on myself.
I am now in recovery. I take medicine and I don’t feel like someone is after me.  I finally have stepped back into church again. I have faith, but it is very hard for me to read the Bible. I know I should not be afraid of God’s word, but it is something I will have to deal with in my own timing. I still believe there are many paths to reach God.  I have always felt that. I know he is constantly working in my life and he has given me the strength to keep going on. I feel like I have a new life.  I have a relationship with my father now. We talk every week on the phone and we are trying to develop our relationship.. Everything in my life has changed for the better. I understand my medications. I am at a point now where I will be starting to work out more. All the medicines caused weight gain. But now I am stable, and that is way more important than a dress size. I am proud of myself and know that each day I will become stronger. I am very blessed that I was able to visit my sister and nephews. It was awesome to connect with family, which was something I needed to do. My only regret in life was not being able to see my mother before she passed away. However, I know she is in a wonderful place and I will see her again one day. I believe that.
I am writing this today because I know that there are so many beautiful human beings out there with a mental illness who don’t know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Bipolar lasts forever but it is treatable. If you are on the wrong medications, change them. If you are seeing a doctor who is not helping you, get a different doctor. Keep reaching for sanity because it is there. I promise you.
I never thought I would be where I am today. I am unique. I have character.
I love me. I am a miracle.
- See more at: http://www.heroesinrecovery.com/stories/cathryn-m-story/#sthash.JtYl4hag.dpuf

A Video about Bipolar